#11

Alright. Today's post is full of randomness. So get ready.

Topic #1: Goodwill Happenings, 11/23/10.
The first interesting thing that happened today at work was incredibly awkward. A man asked if we sold baby bed frames, and after I said that we didn't have any in, he said, "I really like your eyes. Can I take a picture of them?" I just sat there for a second not knowing how to respond. I kind of laughed and was like, "I guess..." but then he just left. Strange. I took it as a compliment though, I mean, even the opinion of a crazy customer counts, right?

The second interesting thing was an old woman who I rang up at the register. She rang up as $2.99.

Okay just kidding. She was checking out, and I noticed a colorful flower tattoo going all the way around her wrist. Now, this wasn't some old redneck-looking lady like a lot of our customers, and this wasn't an old hippie, or anything. She could be your typical, sweet, fluffy grandma who bakes you pies when you come to visit and knits potholders for you (at least that's what my grammy does). And she had a tattoo. Not one that she had hiding underneath her granny panties, but one fully on display. I told her I liked it, and it turns out she got it with a bunch of friends when she was kind of tipsy back when they were all hula dancers in Hawaii. She said she still really liked it, and it still looked fabulous.

Read between the lines there.

Topic #2: Christmas Music.
Usually I refuse to listen to any sort of Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. I broke down tonight and downloaded about a million and a half Christmas songs onto my iTunes after I found the new Glee Christmas music. Now I have the entire Glee Christmas album, as well as almost all of Hanson's "Snowed In" album (yes, the one that came out when I was 6 years old. I remember carrying around my battery powered boombox at my homeschool group and blasting "Merry Christmas Baby" to get attention while we all made snowglobes out of empty baby food jars, water, glitter, and glue.), Mariah Carey's new Christmas song (not as good as the first, but still quite excellent), old bubblegum Christmas songs from *NSYNC and Britney Spears, and of course the good old stuff, like Karen Carpenter and Bing Crosby. Speaking of Karen Carpenter, I still love her version of "Merry Christmas Darling" more than just about anything. Lea Michele covered it for the Glee Christmas album, and as much as I've liked Lea's songs in the past, I really just kind of winced when I heard her sing that song. Nobody holds a candle to Karen Carpenter when it comes to that song. Okay. Christmas song rant over.

Topic #3: Direction.
So, in case you just randomly have stumbled upon this blog and have no idea who I am, I've moved around a little more than the average person these days. A year ago, I lived in Norman. After 4 months in Norman, I moved to Tulsa and lived with my dad. Then I lived with my mom for a few weeks. Then I moved here to Stillwater. I'm not really planning on staying here once my lease is up next August. Anyhow, the point is that I have moved around a lot, and I'm not really tied down to any one place at the moment. Some would find this to be a blessing, and in some ways it is, but these days it's felt more like a curse. It's hard to find direction. Do I stay in Stillwater longer than this year? Do I get a spa job here? Do I move back to Tulsa next year? Do I move back sooner and just keep helping pay rent in Stillwater? Do I move out of state? Who will I live with next year? How will I pay for a house? This is seriously just a smidgen of the questions that have been running through my head. Nobody told me when I was in high school that growing up means that questions like this become a problem. I just figured then that everything would be black and white, yes or no, so clear cut. But it just isn't.

I.
Have.
No.
Idea.
What.
I.
Am.
Doing.
With.
My.
Life.

Yes, I have my esthetician's license, and I will use it to get an esthetics job. But those questions above are what's bothering me. What should be liberating, all of this decision making for myself, feels like such a curse. This is so weird. I've always been one to make my own decision, do things my own way. But right now I can't even figure out what my own way is.

The only comfort I have right now is something I overheard at church in Tulsa on Sunday. A woman at my church was discussing with some people we both know the subject of moving, and having a hard time adjusting to a new location and not feeling at home. She mentioned that she took comfort in knowing that no matter how comfortable she might have felt in her old home, or how lonely she felt in her new home, no home on this earth is permanent. The reason why we cannot feel totally at home in a place, whether it be a new home or a new city or a new state or a new school, is that we are not made to stay there forever. I wish she knew how much that little statement she made really helped me. I mean, it didn't make everything okay, but I keep thinking about it, and knowing that Heaven is where I am meant to be permanently, rather than somewhere on this planet, really helped identify why I never feel satisfied with the places I move to.

Okay. I need to go to bed. Karen Carpenter's voice is making me sleepy.