#9

Random thoughts in the middle of the night:

1. Being single is a love/hate sort of thing. I love not being told what to do, or how to do things, or having to make decisions based on trying to appease somebody else. I love being able to go to a party and not worry about who is going to say "you shouldn't do that" or "you should do that" or "don't dance with anyone else" or anything like that. I get to do things for me, and I love that, as selfish as that sounds. I'm just now starting to really embrace singleness, although it's still sort of a weird feeling for me to really get into it. I sometimes feel guilty when I'm excited about being single, and I'm not sure why. I know that totally contradicts what I said earlier but whatever. I can't explain it.

2. I can't wait until my lease is up so I can live somewhere without mold.

3. Although I am not and will not ever be a hipster, I've come to appreciate the hipster lifestyle a little bit more ever since moving to Stillwater. It's nice to see people embracing a different way of life than the conventional lifestyle, even if that makes them all exactly like each other (as much as they might hate me for saying that). I'm still going to laugh 98% of the time if someone is wearing glasses when they don't actually need them, and I'm still probably going to hate their music, but whatever. I find it amusing.

4. Being "musically educated" does not mean that you listen to a shitload of bands that nobody knows about. Nor should the opposite be equated with listening to all Top 40. The term "musically educated" is based merely on opinion. I've come across too many people who tell me I should be "musically educated," and it bugs the hell out of me (sorry to those people, you know I still love you). I like my music, and I will let you like yours as long as I don't get crap for mine. I listen to rap, rock, Broadway, Christian, pop, old music, new music, classical, opera, choral, you name it. My iTunes ranges from Lil Wayne to Angela Gheorghiu to The Avett Brothers to the Backstreet Boys to Buddy Holly. To be completely honest, if the term "musically educated" was even a set standard, wouldn't embracing more than one or two genres of underground music be more educated? Just saying.

5. I am so itchy to get my next tattoo. Ahhh I want it RIGHT NOW.

6. As much as I wanted to really get into the whole RUF scene on campus at OSU, I have come to the honest realization that it's not really my scene. I like some of the people, and I will continue to go, but when I moved to Stillwater, I wanted so desperately to be part of the RUF here, and I wanted all of my new best friends to be a part of it. It's part of why I felt so lonely at first, because I was looking for friends in a place where I don't 100% click with everyone. There are a few people at OSU RUF who I do really like, they are really nice, but other than those few, it's just not my thing. I realized the other day that my niche doesn't have to be RUF, and there's nothing wrong with that. I've found my friends in other places. I've found a peace in this realization, because now I don't feel like I am failing at making friends here.

7. No more thoughts to spit out at the moment. Goodnight to whoever reads this silly thing.